The Fashionista Files Read online

  All the waiters and valet attendants accosted me: “Hey, Dallas Cowboys fan!” “Hey, you like Troy Aikman?” “What about the cheerleaders?” I was mortified. My cousin’s little friends yelled technical sports terms at me, like “Hike!” and “Touchdown!” No one knew I was secretly very stylish. To them I was just a dumpy Dallas Cowboys fan with very gaudy taste in clothing. I have yet to forgive my parents.

  The Rules of the Game

  In our years-long search for just the right outfit, we have compiled a few rules to get dressed by.

  Never do head-to-toe of the same designer. You’ll look like a walking billboard. Always bring a bit of “you” to whatever you wear—a signature necklace, great earrings, your trusty old Levi’s. Having a personal sense of style and injecting your personality into something is key.

  Mix high and low—ultraexpensive items along with cheap finds in order to project a careless, unsnobby image.

  Always have one ultraluxe item, like a handbag, a wallet, or a belt, or major jewelry to elevate your outfit. You can wear rags, but if you’re carrying a Birkin, no one will ever know. One New York Times fashion critic likes to wear Wal-Mart with her five-hundred-dollar Celine platforms.

  Save supertrendy and easily identifiable items for five years after wearing them during their “it” season.

  Never wear more than one trend at once. Pick a focal point of your ensemble (a poncho!) and build your whole look around it (don’t wear the poncho with high-heeled sneakers!).

  Own a trench coat. It’s the one classic thing that will always look chic and fresh.

  Don’t wear mid-calf-length skirts if you’re short. It cuts the leg off.

  When in doubt, a white button-down shirt will always do. Just add great earrings, high heels, and anything from strands of pearls of different lengths to a groovy scarf, tied on the side or in the back so that the tails hang low in a seductive, exotic way.

  Walk with a purpose. If you look confident, people will think you are.

  Never look like you’re trying too hard. Elegance should be effortless.

  Mix and match your clothes. Throw on suit jackets with jeans and tank tops with the pants—sans jacket.

  Wear a great bra at all times. Go to a lingerie store to find your right size, and before going out of the house lift your breasts in the bra to make sure that the nipples are centered and the “girls” look high and supported. Maidenform’s One Fabulous Fit bra always does good things to the bust.

  Don’t fear color. Embrace it. Just not too much of it!

  Avoid panty lines at all costs. They are wrong, wrong, wrong.

  Wear your clothes. Don’t let them wear you. Know what works on your body and what doesn’t and only buy something you love. Just because it’s trendy doesn’t always mean it’s good.

  CHAPTER 2

  Building the Fashionista Closet:

  The Eighth Wonder of the World—

  in Your Bedroom!

  Fashionistas, contrary to popular belief, do not come in one size (size two). In fact, the shape of your body and size of your waist have nothing to do with the status of your fashionistadom. It’s all about the closet, baby. And the beauty within. Whether your closet is a cavernous three-story walk-in or the size of a carry-on suitcase, what sets the fashionista closet apart from an ordinary closet is depth, versatility, and eclecticism. In the first chapter you discovered what kind of fashionista you are, but paradoxically, the fashionista is not limited to one “look,” and she likes to experiment and play with tons of clothes, which she often considers costumes. The fashionista is a chameleon: ladylike in driving gloves and a sharp tweed suit one moment, a punk-rock chick in a dog collar and studded belt the next. She is a cross between a gypsy, a princess, and a diva. She’s androgynous in the fall and hyperfeminine by the spring. She wears bohemian peasant blouses as well as conservative three-strand pearls. She’s ready (and more than willing) to meet every direction of the trend weather vane.

  More often than not, she’s a pack rat, a collector, an obsessive-compulsive who can’t let go of, say, a Hawaiian-tropic sarong in psychedelic colors even if she lives in New England (because who knows—she might jet off to Maui on a moment’s notice, even if the nearest she usually gets to the beach is down by the Jersey shore to visit her cousin during Memorial Day weekend), or maybe she’s still holding on to the polka-dot pleated halter dress she wore on her very first date with her husband (even if she doesn’t fit into it anymore, she still remembers the look he gave her when he first saw her).

  No matter what your style niche is, fashionistas the world over own essentially the same glamorous garments. You can bet each of us has just the perfect bias-cut cocktail dress, motorcycle boots, and classic trench coat. We are a tribe, a breed apart, after all. And we recognize one another by the small details of our clothing (a turned-up collar here, a peekaboo ruffle there) and the panache with which we wear them. So whether you’re a boho, mummy, wicked witch, or fairy godmother, you’ll need some essential fashionista ingredients to build your dream wardrobe. Just remember: Fashionista dressing is about confidence, individualism, and really, really, fabulous shoes. So let’s get started. Here’s your lesson on rifling through the racks, and while you’re at it, welcome to a quick trip through our wardrobes. (If we find that it’s winter in Narnia on the other end, God knows we’ll be dressed for it!)

  Here, a journey through what you’ll need to achieve fashionista wardrobe status, from your toes to your head!

  Must-have Fashionista Footwear

  Superpointy toes—The fashionista shoe has a pointy toe. We cannot stress this enough. While you might be tempted to go round-toed when this snub-nosed design comes around once every five years, the fashionista shoe is always pointy. So pointy they’re almost elfin. Why pointy shoes? Because they scrunch the toe, narrow the foot, and give your look a certain dangerous edge. Round toes are just too, well, Minnie Mouse and cute, not sexy.

  Four-inch heels—Fashionistas cultivate a long-legged look, even if they’re four-eleven (especially if they’re four-eleven— Karen), and four-inch heels are best for achieving the proper skyscraper effect. Three-inchers are typically the fashionista’s “sensible,” even “comfortable” footgear. Three-inch is a day shoe. A work shoe. Four-inch heels spell nighttime drama. Five inches, and you’re strutting in tranny hooker territory, which, depending on the occasion, is not such a bad thing.

  The wedge slide

  Wedgies—The wedge look goes in and out of style, but when it comes to poolside fashion, stilettos will make you look like you’re trying too hard. So what’s a girl who wants extra bathing suit appeal to do? Wear the wedgies, which are very easy to walk in and surprisingly comfy. They also work well with extra-long jeans that scrape along the floor as you walk, miniskirts, and shorts.

  The High-high boot

  Cowboy boots—Home on the range and in the city, too. Especially if they’re Dior.

  Thigh-high boots—For the sexy Julia-Roberts-in-Pretty-Woman look, without the streetwalker sensibility.

  The evening glamour

  Ankle boots—The basic boot for underneath pants and to make a statement with short skirts.

  Knee-high boots—The standby for fall’s knee-length skirts.

  Evening shoe—Night dressing calls for a little sparkly drama, a touch of satin, and decadent details like crystals, pearls, and a very slinky heel. Evening shoes also work well with jeans and tank tops. Very downtown-girl Kate Moss cool.

  The mule

  Mules—Perfect for summer in Capri . . . or Connecticut. Just be wary: There is nothing that holds the shoe onto your heel, so sometimes you have to grip your toes to keep the shoe on your foot as you prance. Not good for the back, but what’s life without a little struggle?

  The tapestry platform

  Printed shoe—Embroidered tapestry is a well-heeled luxury. The rest of your ensemble can be plain as folk, and the shoes, the centerpiece, will make you stand out.

  Slingbacks�
�Much easier to wear than mules due to the strap that wraps around the back of the heel.

  The slingback

  Strappy sandal—Foot bondage! Nothing like sexy, sexy straps to enhance the curves of the foot when you’re stepping out in a slinky dress, a modern tuxedo, or cutesy short shorts.

  The strappy

  Sneakers—The fashionista sneaker is a very important part of the footwear collection. Even if we’re tripping about in stilettos, at some point we have to run errands (dry cleaning, grocery store, taking Pierre, the mini-Yorkie, to the vet). For these instances, it is helpful to acquire the proper sneakers. Fashionista sneakers are either old-school (Adidas, Pumas, Tretorns, K-Swiss, even checkered Vans) or high-tech (Nike sneaker clogs or designer numbers by Samsonite, Yohji Yamamoto, Prada, or Jil Sander—all of which are reminiscent of bowling shoes), in interesting fabrics (leather, suede, denim) or unexpected colors (orange, silver, black patent). The fashionista sneaker is never one that could be mistaken for an early-eighties aerobic-class mainstay. (Unless you want to be postmodern and ironic, in which case, you might want to consider adding leg warmers!)

  Note: Shoe upkeep and maintenance is key. Save all boxes and cloth or felt bags that come with designer shoes. Take Polaroids of the shoes and tape them to the outside of the boxes so that, when they’re stacked in your closet, you know what is what. Go to a shoe service place and get tips put on the top portion of soles so you don’t wear them down easily. Wash shoes after you’ve been in the rain or the snow, as moisture warps the leather. Treat all suede shoes to waterproof them. And get a suede brush for suede shoes, too. When not wearing shoes, keep the tissue paper inserted in them in order to preserve the shape of the shoe (otherwise you’ll risk toe crushing). Search for a fantastic shoe healer who can cure all boo-boos. In Manhattan, everyone, from the Manolo store to Anna Wintour, relies on Shoe Service Plus in Midtown.

  An Exception to Our Usual Four-inch-heel-only Rule:

  Gifts from the Land Down Under

  MELISSA AND KAREN

  In New York, the Ugg revolution came slowly, around 2002. As far as rustic hippie boots go, first we experienced the Minnetonka Moccasin renaissance, which popped up a while after the Birkenstock comeback, which occurred before the gardening-clog trend. The knee-high cowhide boots appeared on the shelves of froufrou boutiques in Nolita in 2000 and 2001, at the very same time that Native American–inspired boots by Marni were all the rage.

  At $80 a pair (the Minnetonka versions), we couldn’t resist bucking up. In the name of Pocahontas, we plunked down our maxed-out credit cards. We wore our mocs with denim miniskirts and rabbit-fur chubbies, feeling oh-so-cool. We looked like a cross between prostitute and alternachick. Alternatutes perhaps?

  After the moccasin craze simmered, we noticed something new in their place: tan sheepskin boots. The same week, Kate Hudson was pictured wearing them in the pages of US Weekly. So were Pamela Anderson and Drew Barrymore.

  “Uggs!” Karen cried. “I started wearing them when I was a freshman in college! A surfer chick from California introduced me to them and I lived in them all through school. And I swear, I was just thinking of getting a new pair the other day!”

  She quickly put on a pair. They felt like the most delicious slippers in the world. Especially because they’re meant to be worn barefoot. “I’m taking them! I’ve missed them so much! You don’t understand how they cradle your feet like a warm blanket. They’re the best. Mel, you have to have them!” she cried.

  Uggs and chunky fur hats spell snow-bunny sophistication.

  Karen explained that Uggs, first born in 1978, came from Australia, where beach bunnies and surfers wore them with bikinis when it got cold after dips in the ocean. “They’re soooo sexy with bathing suits,” Karen chanted. At first Mel resisted the Uggexplosion. They were flat-heeled, after all. She was wary. But she was soon envious of Karen’s ultra-comfort . . . and how cute the boots looked over Juicy Couture sweatpants, accessorized by a yoga bag and a fur hat. Within months Uggs were everywhere. You couldn’t walk a block without spotting at least two pairs. Karen kept urging Mel to get them. “You must own these. They will change your life. I even wear them around my house as slippers,” Karen persuaded.

  Mel finally caved. (Karen thinks it’s because they passed model Helena Christensen on the street, walking hand in hand with her adorable blond straggly-haired son, Mingus . . . and they were both wearing Uggs.) “All right, you win! I’ll get them! Take me to your leader,” Mel said. “Besides, they would look kind of cute with the sweatshirt housedress I wear when I’m writing.”

  Once Mel put them on her feet, they never came off! She couldn’t believe it had taken her so long to finally get them. Now they are the only shoes we wear other than our four-inch stilettos. Our must-haves are Manolos, Jimmy, and Ugg. And we’ll never take them off, even if the trend is long over.

  The Hosiery Question

  For several years, hosiery was simply out of the question for fashionistas. Bare legs in winter was a hard-and-fast rule. Fashion before comfort, dahling. This was very trying, especially for fashionistas who lived in colder climates and did not want to die of pneumonia. But for daytime, the rules have bent a bit, and fashionistas are now filling their hosiery drawers with the following:

  Fishnets—Now a fashionista classic. Their versatility is the key. They can be worn during many fashion movements: punk, slutty secretary, neo-cancan girl. In addition to classic black, keep a host of fishnets in a riot of colors. We love magenta, nude, and glittery silver. Classic black is a must-have. Quirky fashionistas get creative and wear colored fishnets over black opaque tights or black fishnets over brightly hued tights. Sophisticated fashionistas pair them with pencil skirts, cashmere, fur coats, and heels.

  Patterned tights—Plaid, lace, and crocheted tights are a great way to spice up something basic. Steer clear of black-and-white horizontal-striped numbers. (They’ll make your legs look fat, dear. Just ask Mel, who had a bad fashion moment in 1987 while wearing zebra-striped tights with an all-black ensemble.)

  Socks—Like tights, socks go in and out of acceptance. Striped, colored, fishnet, patterned, and fun socks have become a perennial mate for all stilettos (especially open-toed versions). Buy rainbow stripes, polka dots, cartoon character–covered, or graffiti socks. You can never be too crazy when achieving this aesthetic. Very cheeky. Warning: Best worn between the ages of thirteen and twenty-seven.

  We have to add, however, that if you are going to a fancy evening ball—a black-tie wedding, a museum benefit, a swishy cocktail party—and are planning to pull on that exquisite swanlike, floorlength gown, or a knee-length strapless black dress and a fur shrug—you must not wear hose. Never. If you need some control-top action, get super-body-hugging stockings and cut off the legs.

  DIANA VREELAND ONCE SAID, “BREVITY IS THE SOUL OF LINGERIE”

  While some extreme fashionistas avoid underwear altogether (“But I’m allergic!”—Karen), most of us like a little support down there. The rules for wearing fashionista underwear differ according to garment. While underpants must never rise up above one’s trousers or skirts (sorry, but the thong-flashing look is just so not fashionista, unless, of course, Tom Ford is advocating it in an ad campaign, then by all means), baring bra straps is totally acceptable.

  Under Where?

  MELISSA

  I used to be a white-cotton-underwear girl. As a good Catholic schoolgirl, I wore underwear my mother purchased for me at Sears, Mervyn’s, or some other reasonably bland retail emporium. My underwear was either white, cream, baby blue, or candy pink. Then one day during my senior year in high school in 1988, my best friend and I walked several blocks to the Victoria’s Secret downtown. Ling-yi was as demure as a Chinese girl could be; she laughed with her hand cupped in front of her mouth. She was a National Merit Scholar and in the running for valedictorian, and like me, she wore our school’s uniform shirt chastely buttoned up to the neck and her skirts right on the knee. She was the last person
you would think would own a black push-up bra.

  “Have you been here?” she asked as we tiptoed into the frilly, superfeminine store, oozing with estrogen. I shook my head. I was too embarrassed. The sight of all those teddies on display made my head spin. Why on earth would anyone want to wear anything like . . . that? Some of it looked uncomfortable, even downright tawdry. Nothing like Catholicism to make me feel guilty for being in a lingerie store!

  “They’ve got great stuff,” she insisted. She pulled out drawer after drawer of silky camisoles, boy shorts, tap pants, and thong teddies. I was mortified, yet I couldn’t look away! I fingered a pair of black cotton underwear (I can’t even write the word panties, I’m so shy!). I fell in love with an ivory-colored camisole set with embroidered pearl and lace insets. At $14.99, marked down from $39, as I recall, it seemed a real bargain. At Ling’s urging, I bought the set, as well as two pairs of sexy black lace underwear.

  They sat in my dresser drawer for months. I couldn’t imagine what I would tell my mother if she ever saw them. “They feel dirty,” I explained to my girlfriend later. And I got all neurotic over it for nothing. When my mother saw my new lingerie, she said nothing but “Oh, how pretty!”